I’m sure every family has their quirky
rituals, but for the Le Domases theirs are deadly.
Bright-eyed bride Grace (Samara Weaving) is willing to endure a lot so she can wed the love of her life Alex (Mark O’Brien), the prodigal son of the Le Domases – a mega rich family who made their fortune in the gaming industry, think Parker Brothers or Milton Bradley. She’s endured advances from Alex’s alcoholic brother, snarky looks and comments from his disapproving father and aunt. All to become part of a family unit she always desired growing up as a foster child. But the leers and sneers were the easy part, she must participate in one more ritual…to become a true member of the family, she must choose a card from a mystical box and play a game.
Unfortunately for Grace, the card she’s given is “Hide and Seek” (the one card every potential family member dreads), where the family must capture its newest member and kill her in a ritual sacrifice before dawn….as I said, every family has their quirky rituals and who am I to judge… I mean, hell no!
What ensues is a bloodthirsty, light-heartedly sadistic cat and mouse game set around an old gothic country manor. This is The Most Dangerous Game meets You’re Next.
The script is fun, the cinematography filled with close-ups to accentuate the claustrophobia of being trapped in a house hiding and fighting for your life, but it’s Weaving that’s the big stand-out. The whole cast are fantastic, Andie McDowell especially, is gloriously evil – have we ever seen her in this sort of role ever?? However, after showing us her scream-queen chops in The Babysitter Samara (niece of Hugo) Weaving is an absolute horror mega-star in waiting, this is the perfect vehicle for her and she absolutely shines as the blood splattered bride.
The Diagnosis:
“Seek” this one out, it’s gory fun with a deadly sense of humour.
We continue our night dedicated to the trash-like/ straight to video releases that are available on Tubi and round out our time (for now) on Full Moon Features with the crossover adventure that pits Brick Bardo against the Demonic Toys of Baby Oopsy Daisy, Jack Attack, and Mr. Static and prevent the demon from mounting another attempt at escaping hell.
Once again, Tim Thomerson is ably plays the hard-boiled miniature detective, but teams up with Ginger from Bad Channels, who was shrunken by aliens (despite some strange continuity error that never really makes sense, as it was the character Bunny that was left pint-sized, not Ginger, but hey) and they instantly hit it off.
It is then that Detective Judith Grey (Tracy Scoggins from Demonic Toys) employs Brick’s assistance to stop the Demonic Toys, who have been reawakened by a mishap at the toy factory where a drunken homeless guy is killed in an accident. It’s all incredibly far-fetched and a massive roundabout way to combine these three films into one combined franchise, that leaves you wondering if it was really worth it.
To its credit, Dollman vs Demonic Toys still keeps a decent pulse and rattles along at a fairly decent pace, mainly thanks to Brick, but the toys seem a lot less menacing this time around, and when they kill of Judith’s character midway through, we lose that human connection that we as an audience need to connect us to the film and its narrative. Dollman isn’t quite enough to hold the movie up against his small frame.
The Diagnosis:
The filmmakers do their best to generate some interest in the three worlds to unit one common universe, but within the short running time, struggle to knit the narrative together to make sense or make us care. It would have been cool to see Dollman on a few more intergalactic space adventures and the Demonic Toys would always pale in comparison to their fellow demented toys in Puppet Master, despite an attempt at a sequel at the turn of the decade. Oh, and the less said about Bad Channels the better.
Watch if you’re a completionist or just at a loose end, otherwise you could quite easily give this one a miss.
Here’s the thing with apocalypse movies – and forgive me
if we’ve trod over this territory before – but when the world ends, the real
world (the one on the other side of the silver screen) goes on.
The classic example being the Matrix. It supposedly was a replication of society at the height of our technological development, but if that’s the case, why did they choose a time BEFORE iPads, smartphones, and Netflix’s Skip-Intro Function?
And so, in Zombieland 2, there’s a tongue-in-cheek conversation between our beloved heroes from the last movie, and a new character called Madison (she’s the ditzy blonde who features heavily in the trailers).
In it she describes an app idea she once had (pre-end-of-world)
where you can book people and use them as a personal chauffeur, “Because the
taxi industry is super corrupt you guys”.
Our cast ridicule her notion for its obvious flaws – not least of which…. who the hell jumps into a strangers’ car without any vetted protection? (her solution – customers can rank each driver under some sort of rating system…) It’s a scene very reminiscent of the one in Memphis Belle – where one of the crew of the titular WW2 bomber tells a mate about his plan to create a chain of restaurants that serve the same food everywhere. These days that’s the goal of every eatery – from fast food to Michelin – but back then, the concept was ridiculous. Why go to a place far away to eat the same food you’d get at home?
Anyway. The more I
type this, the more I think I have trod over this insight before…
But there is a reason for that! The Uber scene rams home the point that Zombieland (the first one) is TEN YEARS old. Which means as a universe it will never know Instagram, Influencers, and idiot presidents. Yes. That’s right. A world where zombies are real is a world where the survivors get the better deal…
Mind you, it must be said, the original film was released
at the height of the zombie craze – which we can all believe was ten years ago
– and as with a lot of films that are good (if not great) constant re-watching makes
it feel a lot more recent.
But back to the film itself. Three of our 4 original
heroes have all aged very well. Stone (Wichita), Harrelson,
(Tallahassee) and Eisenberg (Columbus) all pretty much look like they
did in 2009. But we do a LOT of growing
and changing in our first 20 odd years, and so Abigail Breslin (Little
Rock) who was 13 at the time of the original film, has done just that and her
character is understandably restless. Because
as crappy as life is when survival is day-to-day, the fact is if you can
survive it (and our 4 heroes quickly show that when it comes to killing
zombies, they are now a well-oiled machine) you look to horizons further afield.
So our family – after taking up residence in an abandoned
White House (what a gag rich movie this would have been if the first film
happened after 2016… ) soon find themselves going their separate ways.
This leaves room to introduce new characters and they’re
all pretty much as you see in the trailers.
The afore mentioned Madison (played by Zoey Deutch – the daughter of Lea Thompson. That’s right – THAT Lea Thompson, as in Back-To-The-Future-Lea-Thompson!), who SLAYS the air-head architype. Avan Jogia as a hippie douche called Berkeley, Rosario Dawson as Nevada – a kick ass motel owner and Elvis fetishist – Luke Wilson as Albuquerque (a character clone of Tallahassee) and Silicon Valley’s Thomas Middleditch as Flagstaff – a carbon copy of Columbus.
All of them have room to play and own screen time, which
does detract from our original 4 from doing anything super interesting or
growing (character wise) although you could argue that’s not necessarily
important in a film like this, as there is definite joy to be had.
Signature elements also make a return including awesome interactive
GFX in the form of commandments – they’re the new rules! Plus Zombie Kill Of
The Week – now in the form of Zombie Kill Of The Year.
And new components are introduced that expand the films mythology – all ticking off the Surgeons of Horror check list of what makes a good sequel. In this case it’s not an entirely original idea, but it’s still cool, because zombies and evolution are concepts that lead to outcomes that are never-not-interesting.
Prognosis:
Scene stealer award definitely goes to Deutch. And although he seems to always play the same
guy all the time, Thomas Middleditch is an immensely talented actor capable of
very subtle and convincing range (just search all the stuff he’s done on
YouTube with Pete Holmes. From L.A. dude, to French fop to gentle German, the
man has some serious talent). In this
case, we get to see him act….violent…
Zombieland was also, at one time, trialled as a TV series and a pilot was released. Which was not bad, but it didn’t go anywhere. However, that would have meant that somewhere with some writers, storylines would have been discussed.
Be interesting to see if they borrowed any to put into this
film.
All up the end result is just as much fun as the
original, which means you will genuinely lol.
But don’t go in expecting ground breaking/mind blowing twisty
insights. Because that’s not this kind
of movie. It’s just sharp story-telling
fun.
Although when it comes to incorporating really dark humour with clever GFX and left-field music choices, Deadpool is the standard bearer, so this film could have done to have been made a few years earlier. But then again, when your 4 leads are all academy nominated/winners, we should all be grateful we got a sequel in the first place.
Antony Yee
PS: The Columbia pictures woman has never been as
awesome as she is in this film.
PPS: There is also an (early) end credit sequence that brings back an old favourite. Well worth it.
Continuing our weekly theme of all things trash movies that deserve closer scrutiny and the world of Full Moon Features, comes Bad Channels, which surely deserves its own accolade in the B-Movie genre for absurdity.
The premise follows local dj prankster who is setting up an all-night broadcast with the launch of a new radio station when two alien life forms materialise to hijack the radio waves with the aim of stealing female humans, shrinking them and run tests on them. It’s up to Dan O’Dare to save them and humanity from these warped invaders.
The result is a mishmash of B-Grade, low-budget sci-fi horror that the likes of Ed Wood Jr would have been proud to attach his name to. There really isn’t much going for this film that struggles to connect with its audience and if anything ironically alienates them from it completely.
It tries hard to inject some life with a soundtrack led by Blue Oyster Cult who are renowned for their hit Don’t Fear TheReaper, but in this instance, it’s just a mess and never hits the mark.
Whilst the movie does try to tap into the paranoia that hit the airwaves in the US with Orson Welles notorious War of the Worlds rendition, but in this case the aliens really have landed but no one actually believes it, and there is essence in the formula that could have been better if it was executed in another way and played for smarts instead of stupidity.
It’s one note of interest is that it tries to create a multiverse before multiverses were an ‘in-thing’ with the re-introduction of Dollman in the closing credits, who hears of a woman that has been shrunk to his size, so goes to investigate… and opens the door for a spin-off sequel.
The Diagnosis:
This movie tries to play for laughs and absurdity but ultimately girates the brains into a pulp where the DJ and his music pulsate and turns your mind inside out. More D-Movie than B, and probably deserves to stay dormant, but if you’re keen to subject yourself to the pains of Bad Channels or maybe your just twisted and like that kind of thing, then head over to Tubi and cast your own thoughts and post back here 🙂
Australia seems to be bearing a knack of producing brutal, confronting horror films of late with its earnest and gritty portrayal of the Great Southern Land’s dark underbelly. The Furies is no exception, subjecting its audience to a savage tale of survival with a sci-fi twist. As the title of the movie suggests, The Furies could clearly be drawn from Greek mythology and the Erinyes, a trio of female deities who enact vengeance by punishing those who have wronged. In the tales, the Erinyes are formed by a trio of infernal goddesses, who carry out swift judgement on their assailants, although interestingly this trio shifts throughout the films narrative, but primarily centres on our lead heroine, Kayla (played by Airlie Dodds from the brilliant Killing Ground and the much-anticipated The Gloaming) a high school student who is kidnapped along with her best friend Maddie one night, and awakens in a metallic box labelled Beauty, in the middle of the Australian outback.
Confronting her in her ordeal are a series of gruesomely masked antagonists that are hellbent on hunting her and the fellow survivalists down through predatorial and disturbing means that echoes the themes from Richard Connell’s The Most Dangerous Game, but director Tony D’Aquino amplifies the ferocity to keep the pace and tension at its highest throughout the film. Hindering Kayla along the way is her own disability, epilepsy, that is being triggered regularly and when she blacks out, somehow can still see through the masked marauders eyes that are pursuing her and her fellow female survivors. Despite her setbacks, Kayla is determined to turn the tables, find her friend Maddie and soon realises how serious her plight is and must use her wits and strength to play ‘the game’ and find a way out. The subject of hell and its torments are constantly at the forefront in The Furies and there are obvious comments to be held over the subject of how women are treated in society as they are exposed to, but why should they take part this ‘so-called’ game that has for so long been heralded by men. What would happen if women chose not to tolerate this behaviour anymore and reinvent the rules to put the power back in their favour? The pendulum has indeed begun to swing, and God forbid any who have wronged or inflicted any kind of oppressive behaviour towards women. The phrase, “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ comes to mind as we begin to champion Kayla’s growing strength and we as the audience will her to enact the vengeance these weak-minded fools behind ‘the game’ deserve. We can only hope that she somehow sees it through to the bitter end and survives, even if she does, what world then awaits her?
The Diagnosis:
The Furies is a savagely brutal insight into what lies beneath the veil of humanity through this bloody, demonstrative tale of survival. It may be a low-budget affair, but director Tony D’Aquino wrangles out enough disturbing and abhorrent scenes that the audience, like Kayla must endure the horror to its conclusion. Another fine entry into the Australian horror scene.
MONSTERFEST AUSTRALIA 2019 SCREENINGS
THU, 31ST OCTOBER, 9.30PM: GU Film House, Adelaide Event Cinemas, Myer Centre, Brisbane Event Cinemas, George St, Sydney Capitol Cinemas, Manuka, Canberra Event Cinemas, Innaloo, Perth
We’re all aware of the stories behind the crazed occults and sexual degradation that lurk in the depths of American suburbia. Sensationalised through the late 70s, the myth that surrounds the wealthy devoting their lives in secret gatherings dedicated to the dark lord Lucifer and his minions, has been bubbling away under the surface ever since. Every so often it will awaken and threaten humanity, driving people into frenzy or a state of panic towards these heathens, only to simmer again. We also aware that there is no truth behind these stories too right? That they are merely the stuff of fancy and whispers generated to send ripples through the neighbourhood to cast a shadow over those who just don’t seem to fit in…. Right?
These moments of hyperbole are at the core of Chelsea Stardust’s directorial feature debut as she rips the world open and ridicules the how the “other half” live with their vain pursuits for eternal life and satisfaction.
Stardust’s muse to subject this world upon is pizza delivery girl, Sam, (expertly played by Hayley Griffith) who ventures beyond the borders of her route in the hopes of getting a decent tip. She gets more than she bargained for through her naivety and stumbles into a satanic ritual in need of a virginal sacrifice.
What follows is a series of comical mishaps as Sam falls from one farcical scenario to another as the heightened mania drives the affluent satanists to extreme measures to ensnare their virgin. The coven is led by the brilliant Rebecca Romijn as Danica who is suitably macabre in her hellbent pursuit and is supported by Arden Myrin as Gypsy, who has pursuits of her own to lead the coven, and a cracking cast of cameos from Jerry O’Connell and Jordan Ladd.
Sam isn’t alone in her turmoil though, as she shares her burden with Danica’s daughter, Judi (Ruby Modine – Happy Death Day) who has her own handy insights into the black arts that could potentially see them through the night and not chained to the sacrificial altar.
The Diagnosis:
Director Chelsea Stardust serves up a delightful platter of blood and mayhem from behind the doors of the rich and the fantastical elements that can be borne from satanic rituals. The effects are gloriously horrific and the cast play beat perfect performances, making this a rippingly fun ride of a movie and well worth your time.
MONSTERFEST AUSTRALIA SCREENINGS
FRI, 1ST NOVEMBER, 7PM: Event Cinemas, Myer Centre, Brisbane
SUN, 3RDNOVEMBER, 6PM: Event Cinemas, George St, Sydney GU Film House, Adelaide Capitol Cinemas, Manuka, Canberra Event Cinemas, Innaloo, Perth
Porno manages to tap into the celluloid lovers mainstream by essentially setting the film entirely within the confines of an art deco cinema with a strictly early 90s vibe and setting. In doing this, film director, Keola Racela catapults the audience into a world that invokes nostalgia and tackles some fun themes reminiscent of the time.
The location is so integral to the central theme of buried, underground sex and shenanigans that we all harbour and fear of letting loose our greatest indulgences; the stuff of taboo that we are unwilling to face the repercussions of our fantasies. There was a time that those who wanted to get there kicks would do so in underground cinemas and lurk in the shadows of the auditorium to satiate these desires. Racela knows this and deliberately pokes fun at our shame by unleashing a sex demon that has been contained within a snuff film deep in the cinema’s basement on the quintet of characters (who just so happen to be Christian, which amplifies their repression) who are subjected to a journey where they must vanquish their inner most thoughts and survive the night.
Forming the quintet is assistant manager, Chastity; projectionsist, Heavy Metal Jeff; Abe; Todd; and the stereotypical jock, Ricky, all of whom quander a secret that they try to keep buried.
In addition we have the cinema manager, Mr Pike, who serves as a minister in the eyes of the youthful contingency, but he too has a concealment that he wishes to contain within his office. All these characters are ripe for a sex demon to seep their way into their minds, and pleasure them to death.
The Diagnosis:
This is pure fun and gloriously plays for laughs in the most puerile of senses, but equally casts the characters into a predicament that requires instincts, strength, faith and a little bit of kink.
Demonic Toys is everything I loved straight to video releases in the late 80s and 90s and thanks to the online streaming platform Tubi, you can watch this little gem for free.
Brought to the local video store in 1992 by Charles Band’s Full Moon Entertainment who were fast making a name for themselves in the rental market (following Dollman and Puppet Master) for low budget, “high quality” pictures.
In this instance, the production team were smart in keeping the bulk of their shoot in one location (an abandoned warehouse) an old toy factory.
It all kicks off with two undercover cops, Judith and Matt, who also happen to be dating, are about to snare a gun dealer. Before the deal goes down, Judith tells Matt that she is pregnant, always a bad sign and an indicator that all will not go well, particularly when Matt seems over the moon to hear this news. Cue botched gun deal and a very dead Matt. Judith takes chase after Lincoln and Hesse (the two dealers) into the afore-mentioned toy factory.
At this time, we’re introduced to the other two players in the field, security guard Charneski and a chicken delivery guy without a cause, Mark. All of them are unaware that the factory contains a dormant demon, waiting to unleash mayhem and take on human form, and his heart set on Judith’s unborn child… naturally.
Hesse who was mortally wounded in the shoot out soon succumbs to his fate, and as he bleeds out on the factory floor some of the toys absorb his energy and spring to life with a swift and deadly act of putting Hesse out of his misery.
From here on out the antics run loose and the cheeseometer spins out of control with the crazed toys stalking and intent on claiming more victims and resurrect their master. And the would-be victims must team together and fight their way out of the factory if they are going to survive the night.
The Diagnosis:
Whilst some critics have come out and labelled this as a rehash of the Puppetmaster franchise, the toys are actually pretty nifty and ooze character, from Baby Oopsy Daisy: a grizzled man baby doll, Jack Attack: a jack in the box clown, Grizzly Teddy: a ferocious teddy bear with claws, and Mr. Static: a robot with lasers.
Demonic Toys definitely won’t set your world on fire, but if you’re in the mood for a cheap as chips. fun ride packed into 86 mins, you won’t be disappointed.
Maybe it’s because I just saw Stranger Things and coming down from an IT high, but this film just seemed to miss the mark for me. Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark follows the old folk tales we have heard before but great to see it get a filmic depiction of the cartoon series I remember as a kid called Freaky Stories, which I heard from a friend of a friend of mine was very enjoyable with little twisted tales like the woman had spiders in her beehive hair doo. This movie emulates these old folk tales with the fantastical contribution of monsters designed by Guillermo del Toro.
It felt as though this style would work better as a Netflix or Stan episodic series as elements didn’t know where they wanted to be. It definitely felt half-baked like they were still mixing the ingredients together.
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark follows a group of kids living in the suburbs of USA in the mid 1960’s, while breaking and entering an old mansion they steal a book from a dead girl that causes all manner of spookiness to ensue.
Scary stories are written in the book as they appear to devour those who were there when the book was taken. Mischievous hijinks abound.
The Diagnosis:
The monsters were great but with a half-baked ensemble from the get go. It was difficult to get hooked. Take two episodes of Stranger Things with a glass of IT twice a day to wash out the taste.
Dr. Richard Lovegrove and Anesthesiologist Kelsi Williams
If you haven’t already come across Tubi yet, you’re missing out on some little gems from this online streaming platform. And best yet. It’s free.
We’re going to be looking at some of these movies in a regular feature that we’ll call Trash Night Tuesdays on Tubi with a weekly recommendation. First up: Dollman.
When Charles Band formed production and distribution company Full Moon Features, he had one goal in mind: To create horror, sci-fi, and fantasy movies on a low budget with a quality look and feel. Surprisingly, one of their earliest films spawned a cult franchise in Puppet Master and tapped into the home entertainment scene. With its use of small scale figures running amok in a larger world, it was somewhat fitting that the movie would come to represent a metaphor of the production outfit.
Using the same principles, Band then took to creating another film series that features intergalactic space cop Brick Bardo who whilst in pursuit of his greatest enemy, Sprug, inadvertently travels through an electric band that shrinks him to 13 inches in height and transports him to planet Earth.
Bardo (played by Tim Thomerson who was already cast in another film series Trancers spearheaded by Band as the hard-boiled Jack Deth) is an archaic representation of testosterone-fuelled, no shit, full-attitude masculinity with the Dirty Harry vibes that was typical of action films from the time. For some, this may appeal to their appetite for action and adventure on a small scale, but possibly more interesting to me was the appearance of Jackie Earle Haley (A Nightmare On Elm Street) in one of his earlier roles and he certainly stands out as Braxton Red, a low-life thug who runs a group of degenerates in the Bronx, New York. Braxton is suitably unhinged and when on-screen adds enough menace to the fold to give Bardo a challenge and keep the pace of the movie going.
The Diagnosis:
It won’t set the world alight, but its short running time (79 minutes) ticks along nicely enough with and lifts it above your run-of-the-mill low budget flicks of its time.
Surgeons of Horror 