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Movie Review: Crocodile Swarm (2024)

28 Sunday Apr 2024

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Crocodiles are sometimes known for what is sometimes called collective hunting, swimming in numbers when circling large prey. In some cases they can rip their quarry apart while one of their basks holds the victim down.

With all this in mind, you can see why the notion of crocodiles moving en masse to hunt down and kill a group of humans. This is the premise posed by Director Tyler-James (The Loch Ness Horror; Deadly Waters; Monsternado) who is no stranger to low budget creature features. When a group of cave divers break into unknown terrain they encounter a nest of these reptiles, who are a little disgruntled about being disturbed and go on a killing spree. It is when Sam (Ella Starbuck) learns of her sister’s disappearance that she then forms a group of friends to go in search of the deadly caving system in the hopes of bringing her sister back home alive.

All of this may sound good on paper, but when you learn that the creative team behind this is feature are the team behind Winnie The Pooh: Blood and Honey and the whole upcoming Poohniverse franchise, with Scott Chambers (one of its stars who also appeared in Hammer Films latest Doctor Jekyll). On writing duties, you can imagine the kind of movie you’re in for. 

It would be one thing if there was any merit to the narrative on display, but the acting is ropeable, and they chew through the weak dialogue without ever blinking once. Then there’s the effects which are so fake looking that it goes beyond throwing you out of the picture, you’re propelled back into your room or chosen place of viewing slamming back into the wall behind you. There was even one point in the vision on show that was so laughable when digitised crocs rips apart a mannequin. 

The Prognosis:

To sum up, the most painful part of Crocodile Swarm was enduring the film and sitting through to the end for the sake of writing up this review. I’m pretty laid back when it comes to being forgiving when it comes to low budget features, always looking for the silver lining and wanting to praise where creativity is trying to flourish, but it’s hard to look for one here when it just comes across as lazy. 

  • Saul Muerte

Crocodile Swarm is available on Home Entertainment from May through Eagle Entertainment.

  • Saul Muerte

Movie Review: The Exorcists (2024)

27 Wednesday Mar 2024

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When The Exorcist: Believer was released by David Gordon Green courtesy of Blumhouse Productions it intended to ride the coattails of one of the greatest horror films of all-time for a modern audience, but go “bigger”. This proposal would include two possessed kids but furthermore, three exorcists of differing backgrounds to take on the demon at hand. Needless to say, it bombed.

Now comes The Exorcists which too arcs back towards William Friedkins’ iconic feature and tries to go bigger with a trio of exorcist experts, the elite of their field, brought together by a father who needs their help to purge his daughter of the demon that has consumed her. 

What the exorcists uncover though is a far darker entity lurking beneath the female frame which it currently hosts. To add some more supposed weight to the mix, there’s even a quartet of kids that have broken into the mausoleum to awaken the dead through a spiritual seance. This decision would also lead them on a dangerous path that would weave with the exorcists’ plight. With the ante dialled up to 666, the trio of exorcists must now unite along with Doctor Olivia Beckett (Kayla Fields) and Sister Caroline (Denise Duff) to oust the demon, but they may not last their ordeal.

The Prognosis:

The Exorcists struggles to gain any momentum in its search for an identity. This is all the more evident when tied to the shackles of its inspiration. The grip is loose and the details are equally left to drift without any real focus other than to keep on coasting on a lacklustre cleansing. Its saving grace is casting Doug Bradley aka Pinhead from the Hellraiser franchise as the wisened Father Patrick Ryland, who is compelled to help one last time and amend the past from a failed exorcism. As great as Bradley is, he can only be as good as his counterparts and the script to support his talent, both of which fail him. Instead we must settle on his deliverance and pray for the ending to come.

  • Saul Muerte

Movie Review: Control (2024)

25 Monday Mar 2024

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The subject of control from which this film holds its name is one certainly set for scrutiny. What happens when control is taken away from us? Can the shift of balance be pulled back in our favour when all hope seems lost?

This is the dilemma that British Home Secretary Stella Simons (Lauren Metcalfe) faces when she steps into a self-driving car to escort the Prime Minister’s daughter home, only for it to be hijacked by a mysterious assailant (Kevin Spacey) who is calling all the shots and seems to know everything about her.

It’s the type of story that has been told before, with our protagonist held against their will and directed by a human voice, such as Phone Booth and Buried, or even more so in comparison to Haritz Zubillaga’s feature The Glass Coffin starring Paola Bontempi. In the latter’s case it is done remarkably well, primarily due to Bontempi’s captivating performance. Unfortunately, this can’t be said about Metcalfe’s portrayal, which is significantly underwhelming. It’s a hard task to carry a movie at the best of times, something that she struggles with throughout, but it’s emphasised more so by the voice on the other end belongs to someone of high calibre, Kevin Spacey.

And there’s the elephant in the room of course when it comes to Kevin Spacey, who was at the height of his profession and sexual misconduct allegations that have surrounded him. There’s no doubt about the extent of Spacey’s talent as an actor, but his name will forever be marred by the indictments that were laid against him. So when it comes to Control, the lines between fiction and reality are blurred, especially when it comes to Spacey’s character who at one point blazes at the lack of direction and support against the British Government after spending most of his life working there. It is this murky area that unfortunately takes you out of the picture. It is clearly an area close to home and his need to proclaim his innocence and get back to doing what he does best is on show here, albeit an incorporeal one. In spite of this, Spacey is still the best thing about this movie, by a country mile. His presence and intonations, no matter how slight, lift off the screen and provide what feels like some meaning to what is essentially a pointless enterprise by all else involved.

The Prognosis:

Spacey headlines this feature for good reason. He is the only decent thing about it. His charisma is one that can elevate any script, but as he only provides the voice to the antagonist, the rest of the movie relies on that of his counterpart. This is part of Control’s downfall along with a tired and predictable plot that has you envying the Prime Minister’s daughter who remains passed out in the back seat of the car for the majority of its running time.

  • Saul Muerte

Control is available to available to watch on home entertainment from April 2024 thanks to Eagle Entertainment.

Movie Review: Desperation Road (2024)

21 Thursday Mar 2024

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Straight from the outset, Desperation Road lets us know that it is not going to be an easy road to travel and the hardship that the two leads must endure is not only going to be a rocky one, but one that will test you to see if you can endure the longevity set between the beats of depression, fatigue and failure among the drama and heart of the movie.

Nadine Crocker doesn’t shy away from wringing out every ounce of anguish in her sophomore outing and has some hard hitters to support bringing Michael Farris Smith’s screenplay through her creative vision. Garrett Hedlund (The Marsh King’s Daughter), Russell, is a man trying to turn his life around but still haunted by his past following a drink-driving accident. While the town is not willing to forgive, his father (Mel Gibson) will always feel the heartache for his son. When Russell crosses paths with a woman, Maben (Willa Fitzgerald – Scream: The TV series) who is on the run with her young daughter, Analee (Pyper Braun).

When these lives intertwine, the reality of the past becomes apparent and their shared pain becomes one that will forever connect them, bound in a lawless future that may never heal.

The Prognosis:

This is a hard slog without fault from its leads who wallow in the depth of their depraved characters’ lives. The more entrenched they are, the more difficult it becomes for the viewer to drift when the river of pain is so unsettling. Despite this, we coast along to the harmony of strong performances on show towards the final act. Some may not wish to stick around until then, but for those who do, the burden of the narrative road that has been travelled is felt with every step and as with any hardship, the catharsis is rewarding once we find ourselves at the other side of the carnage.

  • Saul Muerte

Movie review: Butchers (2023)

09 Saturday Sep 2023

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It’s clear from the get-go that this film is Director Adrian Langley’s love song for The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Butchers follows a similar path, or should I say journey?. as we follow a small group of friends travelling across the remote Canadian landscape when their car breaks down ala Wrong Turn. Instead of inbred hillbillies, they encounter a pair of sadistic butchers who have taken the law into their own hands. If anyone dares to enter their domain, it’s fair game and there’s a strong possibility that they could be carved on the cutting block

While it tends to stick along the line of predictability, there is a little more going on beneath the engine of a cannibalistic gorefest. Langley and his writing partner Daniel Weissenberger take the literal concept of butchery to the extreme as the barbarous Watson brothers, Owen (Simon Phillips) and Oswald (Michael Swatton) take pleasure in kidnapping and impregnating women with plans of breeding them for more meat. This warped outlook makes for gruesome viewing in spite of walking the all-too-familiar lines of a well-trodden formula.

Naturally, our would-be-victims fight tooth and nail for survival, making ridiculous choices along the way to meet their demise, including battling their own internal conflicts,  but the performance holds strong enough to keep you engaged throughout, most notably Phillips’ smart and gruelling butcher and potential final girl in the mix, Julie Mainville.

The Prognosis:

Much like his more recent feature Bunker, Adrian Langley offers a mediocre-yet-fun movie that puts the characters through the paces. The tension mounts with a steady pace, and the conflicts are torturous on the right side of entertainment. 

It may not offer anything new or even stretch the realms of originality, but Butchers is a tough ride that will apply the hook and keep you gripped to the end.

  • Saul Muerte

Butchers is currently streaming on VOD and available for Home Entertainment.

Movie review – Bunker (2023)

08 Saturday Apr 2023

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There will always be an infinite fascination with the evil of mankind and this association with humanity’s most extreme atrocities that were carried out with the Second World War by Nazi Germany. And not for the first time, the horror film genre takes this theme and plants a group in an isolated environment where they are trapped from any hope of escape.

This is the basic premise for Bunker, where a group of soldiers embark on a mission that takes them deep in the trenches of a war-torn land and ventures into the titular bunker. Once underground and retreating from the torrent of carnage above they find something far disturbing and cataclysmic.

The warning signs are there for the squadron, charged with the mission as the trenches appear deserted and the bunker in question barricaded by the Nazis from the outside. There must be something truly evil to break fear in mankind’s darkest tribe.

Once inside, the troop encounters a German officer, Kurt (Luke Baines) constrained, (another clue to the danger they are yet to face) and slowly they become fractured and the bond much needed to survive becomes frayed. This is no longer a physical conflict but a psychological warfare, where they must use their wits and prevent any external threat from entering their minds. Is this a case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in the works? Or is there something far more sinister at prey?

The Prognosis:

The feature is a little on the lengthy side for what is essentially a psychological trauma flick placed in a darkly, destructive setting. While the characters could have more depth to them, Patrick Moltane’s Lt. Turner is delightfully twisted and you can see the fun being played in his portrayal of the commander of the group. 

If there was a little more attention on character to provide substance to the piece, and some time shaved off from the running time, Bunker could have been a worthy watch. Instead it’s just average viewing. 

  • Saul Muerte

Bunker is available on TELSTRA TV Box Office, Google Play, YouTube Movies, Fetch TV, and iTunes.