When you see Terrence Howard, Cuba Gooding Jr, and Udo Kier on the credits listmon a film and you’d be forgiven for presuming that it would be a half decent entry, but Skeletons In The Closet is like the visual equivalent of hitting the snooze button on an old analogue clock. 

As the incredibly slow pace to the movie drags you desperately into its fold, we’re presented with a mother, Valentina (Valery M. Ortiz) and her husband, Mark (Howard) watch their lives fall apart, as if they were the combined metaphor of Job, continuously having their faith tested. Instead though, they are harbouring an evil presence that is sucking out the energy of their lives and inflicting a damning curse upon them. This starts with Mark losing his job after believing that he was actually up for a promotion, to their daughter Jenny (Appy Pratt) being diagnosed with terminal cancer. If that wasn’t bad enough Mark engages with a local crook based on ill advice from his brother (Gooding Jr). This inevitably leads to them putting the squeeze on the family and Mark’s logical leap to seek council from Madam Fortuna (Sally Kirkland), who just kicks the can down the road when she sees only disaster in the future. In steps the specialist Luc (Kier), who is even more mysterious and the potential threat or menace to what has been plaguing them for so long. All the while Valentina has been seeing visions of a pale woman dressed in white, haunting her every move.

Eventually we get to learn that one of them has a skeleton in their closet and must rid themselves of their curse with drastic consequences.

The Prognosis:

This is a slow and laborious possession that feels like we are shuffling off this mortal coil with the aid of a zimmer frame. 

There’s one thing to establish character, but another to make us care about the character enough by going deeper into their psychological make up. It’s as though the creatives chose to do neither here and be content on going, here look at their hardship… isn’t it bad? I wonder what is the root cause of this evil?

Unfortunately, the film is pretty woeful, and the care factor is zero for this incredibly below par snoozefest.

• Saul Muerte

Skeletons In The Closet is streaming on Shudder from 3 May.